


Billendin's Game

by RockSunner



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Animal Transformation, Demons, Drama, Gap Filler, Gen, Humor, Manipulation, Possession, Prophecy, Time Travel, Villain Protagonist, long-term schemes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-29
Packaged: 2018-04-27 03:09:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5031424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RockSunner/pseuds/RockSunner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How did Blendin Blandin come to make a deal with Bill? It was a long-term plan. This story fills in the gaps. All characters belong to Alex Hirsch, not me. Rating moved up to T for violence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Eye Spy

Bill was watching Gravity Falls from the Nightmare Realm.

A. Square came up to him. He was a blue square with a single eye, wearing a bowler hat. Square was Bill's "best friend," if any of them could be said to have friends.

"Why don't you give up trying to invade that stupid dimension?" Square asked. "You've tried over and over and it has never worked."

"Don't you want something new to do?" asked Bill.

"We're all right as we are," said Square.

"You haven't had a new idea since Edwin Abbott Abbott inspired you with "Flatland" in 1884. You're almost as boring as the most normal man in the town I've been watching," said Bill. "Why don't I start calling you Tad Strange?"

"If you must," said Square. He knew that if he resisted Bill would tease him with the name all the more.

"Tad, we spent almost a trillion years as formless living energy, and finally a starship warp drive opened a window to the worlds of sentient beings, with ideas and nightmares to give us shapes. That was nice, but I want more. I want to be there with them, in their world! It'll be loads of fun to terrorize them."

"If it ever works," said Tad.

"I have a great plan this time," said Bill. "Watch and see."

* * *

Mabel and Ichabod (who normally went by "Iggy") were visiting their great-uncle, the inventor Ford Pines, at his home in Gravity Falls.

Ford was a brilliant graduate of West Coast Tech, independently wealthy from several patents, who had dedicated his retirement to researching the paranormal for many years in the geographic "hot-spot" for such things, Gravity Falls.

Ford sponsored a yearly "Mystery Fair" in support of a local charity. He had spared no expense, providing a sky tram, a Ferris Wheel, a rotating barrel ride, and many booths for local carnies to offer games like a ring toss, a baseball bottle toss and a "Win a Pig" booth.

Stanford's brother Stanley (who worked as a longshoreman in Glass Shard Beach, New Jersey) was there for a visit. He had cheerfully volunteered to man the dunking booth. Ford and his handyman, Soos Ramirez, at Stanley's insistence, had rigged the game so there was little chance of him getting dunked.

Bill was watching Ford, who pulled out a small device from his pocket and pushed a button.

"It begins!" said Bill, laughing to himself as the device sent out a pulse rippling through time. "I've been stirring up the frozen Time Baby's dreams with fear of a time anomaly happening about now. He shouldn't have a design made of two triangles on his forehead if he wants to avoid me. Of course, I was the one who suggested the pattern to the time giants long ago."

A moment later, a gray-suited man arrived. He was bald and on the heavy side, and he looked around nervously.

He moved behind a row of portable toilets, and made a call on his wrist communicator. "Blendin Blandin here. The mission is proceeding as planned. Over."

Watching from the other dimension, Bill told Tad, "I made a deal with that foolish scientist guy years ago. He was flattered that I wanted to be his muse. I told him that someday I would give him a lead to the greatest invention ever. Now is the time."

Bill focused and slipped into Fords mind. As Blendin started walking across the fairgrounds, Bill guided Ford to bump into him hard enough to dislodge his tape-measure time machine.

"Oops, sorry," Bill in Ford told Blendin. "I wasn't watching where I was going."

Blendin grabbed up the tape-measure on the ground and ran off without a word.

"Bord" smiled. In his pocket was the real time machine he had swapped for an almost identical ordinary tape measure.

"Here you go," he thought to Ford's spirit nearby. "Take this back in time a few years and reverse-engineer it. This will be your greatest invention ever."

"But, won't that be cheating?" asked Ford. "I don't want to steal someone else's ideas."

"You always were the inventor," said Bill. "This is just taking a shortcut."

"Thank you, friend," said Ford. He operated the device as Bill had showed him and snapped back two years to study the future technology.

When he snapped back, the device looked just as it did before, and there was a duplicate of it in his pocket.

Ford called his handyman over and said, as Bill had instructed him: "Soos, I need you to return this tape measure to that man over there. It got switched with one of yours you left on the ground."

"Yes sir, Mr. Pines," said Soos.

Soos did as he requested. "Sir, I believe you dropped this tool and it accidentally got mixed up with one of mine."

"What?" Blendin was very startled and a bit suspicious. He thew a mind wipe on Soos, just in case, then returned to his own time to report the anomaly was just short-lived spike. He didn't report the temporary loss of the time machine, to keep himself out of trouble with the Time Baby.

"Now you have invented the time machine," Bill told Ford. "Let me give it a quick try, all right?"

Ford agreed and let Bill use his body again. Bill operated the device and hopped back, leaving Ford's spirit behind.

"First test of a simple change," said Bill. "To start isolating the boy."

He picked up a portable sonic imager and a hand-held x-ray laser that could be programmed to burn at a given depth from Ford's advanced workbench, then hopped back to California almost thirteen years back, when he could find the Pines mother still pregnant with the twins and taking an afternoon nap alone.

Using the imager and the laser, he carefully applied a constellation pattern to the male child's forehead. The pain was so slight that the boy wasn't disturbed.

He hopped back and replaced the tools before returning to Ford's spirit.

"It works great!" Bill told Ford as he let him back into his body. "How are the kids doing?"

"Mabel and Dipper are doing just fine," said Ford.

"That's very good to hear," said Bill.


	2. Relief Pitcher

Tad asked, "Why do you have to make deals before you can take over their bodies?"

Bill said, "In their collective unconscious, they all know what a pact with a devil is. Even if they never read Faust, deep down they know it can mean losing their souls. Their defenses drop way down. I never try a possession without a deal. And I always fulfill my side literally, though of course I'm allowed to twist it."

"So you play to their legends?" asked Tad.

"I and others like me helped build their legends," said Bill. "For the same reason, I can't take over the world without a prophecy. I've shown my Wheel to Sixer already. He doesn't get it, but when it's fulfilled he will, and he'll curse himself for being so stupid that he didn't see it. Ten people will all play their roles to bring me into power: Question Mark, Ice Bag, Fez Symbol, Pine Tree, All-Seeing Pentagram, Six-Fingered-Hand, Llama, Shooting Star, Stitched Heart, and Glasses. I have them all picked out now."

"What will you do with them once they've accomplished their purpose?" asked Tad. "Kill them?"

"They'll wish," said Bill. "Now, let me focus. This next step is crucial."

* * *

"Great Uncle Ford, come here and help me cheer up Dipper," said Mabel. "He's not responding to Dr. Waddles."

"Where did you get that pig?" asked Ford.

"I won him in a weight-guessing contest. Isn't he adorable?" asked Mabel.

"For a pig, I suppose. Let's find Dipper," said Ford.

Dipper was lying on his back in a Slopey Toss 2 game, mumbling sadly to himself.

"What's the matter, Dipper?" Ford asked.

"You know how I've been hanging out at the arcade some this summer?" said Dipper. "There's this girl I met there, Wendy Corduroy. She likes to play Fight Fighters and we got to talking..."

"Go on," said Ford.

"I invited her to the Mystery Fair today and she said, 'Yeah, I guess so.' Everything was going great until I tried to win her a stuffed toy at the baseball toss. The ball bounced back and hit her in the eye. Then, while I was going to get her ice, this jerk Robbie shows up and puts his snow cone on her eye, and asks her out. She said yes, and now my chances with her are ruined."

"That's too bad," said Ford.

"Do you ever wish you could go back and undo just one mistake?" asked Dipper.

"Nope," said Mabel. "I do everything right, all the time!"

"I seldom make mistakes either," said Ford. "But it just so happens I have a new invention that might help."

"Really?" asked Dipper.

Ford led them back into the house for security, and pulled out his tape measure time machine from his pocket.

"Help me test this time machine," said Ford. "Just pull the tape measure back a few hours, let it snap, and it will take you back in time."

"Wow! Thank you, Great-Uncle Ford! This is fantastic!" said Dipper.

"Let me go back with you," said Mabel. "I wanna re-live the greatest moment of my life, winning Waddles! But first we should go back and find two dodos and force them to make out."

"No, only short hops to begin with," said Ford.

"That's all I need, just one more chance," said Dipper. "If I don't miss that baseball throw, I won't hit Wendy in the eye, and Robbie won't comfort her, and they won't start going out."

Mabel put Waddles down on the floor, and they both snapped back in time.

* * *

"That's exactly what I wanted," said Bill. "Sixer even volunteered to give the kids the time machine. I didn't have to possess him."

"What good will this do?" asked Tad.

"I've studied time travel," said Bill. "I've been watching time travelers for a long time, and I learned that time is self-repairing. Once you create an outcome, it's very hard for a person to undo it. The more you try, the more it creates a fixed point with the same outcome."

"How did you know the child would miss?" asked Tad.

"I took over Ford while he was sleeping last night. He had an experimental 'friendly fire' device for the Army that was supposed to make enemy shots ricochet and hit someone on their side. It turned out it only worked for low-speed projectiles, so it was abandoned. But it was perfect for this baseball-throwing game. I installed it in the booth behind the bottles, along with a scanner so that it would only turn on when the kid was throwing towards it."

"Too complicated," said Tad. "Demons shouldn't have to rely on human machinery."

"Once the loop is established, I don't need the device any more," said Bill. "That's the beauty of it. With the fixed point pinned down, I can change the conditions leading up to it and it will still happen."

* * *

Dipper went back to Ford and told him about how he couldn't change the results no matter what he tried. Together they worked out the physics on a whiteboard.

"So, only Mabel, a fellow traveler in the same loop, can help me to get a different outcome," said Dipper.

"Good work," said Ford. "I'm impressed with your mathematical skill. Go back one more time, and this time get Mabel to intervene as you calculated."

* * *

"It's still going according to plan," said Bill to Tad. "Ice and Stitched Heart have done their work to pull in Pine Tree. To complete the time mess, the next thing we need is for the Llama to play her part."


	3. The Llama's Revenge

Pacifica Northwest was at the Mystery Fair with her two posse members. Ordinarily she might not go to such a common event, but she was itching for a chance to get back at Mabel Pines.

Mabel had really rubbed her the wrong way. First, she had dared to challenge Pacifica in a karaoke contest at a dance sponsored by her great-uncle. Pacifica had triumphed, but it was so close that it took bribery to win. Not long after that, Pacifica tried to get revenge by making Mabel look foolish onstage at the Pioneer Day celebration. That backfired when Mabel and her nerd brother somehow dug up dirt on Nathaniel Northwest, their famous ancestor. The family was having to spend money to cover it up.

Her parents had allowed her to go to the fair, but her father told her, "A Northwest always wins. I expect you to come back with a prize."

As she walked by the "Win a Pig" booth she saw Mabel gazing adoringly at a particular pig.

"Oh look! Mabel found her real twin," said Pacifica to her friends, and they all snickered.

As they were walking away, Pacifica heard Mabel call out loudly, "Sir, I must have that pig!"

"Ah, old 15-Poundy! So, how much you guessin' he weighs?" asked the old farmer who ran the booth.

"Just hold onto him for me for a sec," said Mabel. "I've got something I have to do for my brother first."

Mabel ran off somewhere. It was an irresistible opportunity for revenge.

Pacifica walked up to the booth.

"I want to win that pig," said Pacifica, pointing to the same one that Mabel wanted.

"I'm not holdin' him for nobody. If'n you can guess the critter's weight, you can take the critter home!" said the farmer.

"Fifteen pounds," said Pacifica, who had heard the animal's name.

"Are you some kind of witch?" said the farmer.

"I am a Northwest, and we never lose," said Pacifica.

"Ah, that explains it," said the farmer.

He handed over the pig on a leash.

"He's all yours! No one else's! Ol' 15-Poundy. Yours. Forever!"

Mabel was standing a little way off, and the farmer stared at her as he said this. Perhaps she had rubbed him the wrong way, too.

Pacifica was dragging away the reluctant pig on the leash when she heard Mabel wail "NOOOO!"

Revenge was so satisfying.

* * *

Bill told Tad, "She won't remember it, but that's the Llama's contribution to the prophecy."

"Why do you call her the Llama?" aske Tad.

"Her symbol is a mirror reflection of one of Mabel's sweaters," said Bill. "Her role was to be Mabel's opposite number, and her family has a dark secret related to llama cloning, so it was a good fit."

"You won't use her for anything else?" asked Tad.

"She and her family have a good chance of being killed by a vengeful ghost later this summer, so I'm not counting on her for anything more."

"What good did the pig-winning do?" asked Tad.

"Now Pine Tree and Shooting Star are in conflict over the outcome. They'll fight over the time machine."

"And?" asked Tad.

"When I was helping Sixer make it, I rigged it so that rough handling will set off a very long jump to the time of the dinosaurs, and a few odd jumps after that."

"So they'll be eaten by dinosaurs?" asked Tad.

"Unlikely," said Bill. "All the loops over the same outcome have set up a whirlpool in the time current. If they didn't come back it would leave the outcome in a different state, and that's not stable. They'll be back to restore it."

Sure enough, Dipper and Mabel came back, and soon Dipper was persuaded that Mabel would be miserable forever if she didn't get Waddles. He put the outcome back to normal.

"So now the time police will investigate, and your inventor will be arrested," said Tad.

"No," said Bill. "Now the plan gets really tricky. I'll subtract him from the picture long before this."

"How does that work? Won't that just erase everything that happened?"

"The time whirlpool will maintain itself, even if the causes leading up to it change a little," said Bill. "In chaos theory they call it a strange attractor. I love chaos theory."

"I don't get it," said Tad.

"It's like pulling the tablecloth out from under a vase on the table. If you do it fast the vase will still stay standing up," said Bill.

"But in this case it sounds like you're going to pull out the whole table," said Tad.

"Exactly," said Bill. "All the elements are in place. With no Sixer, there's no duplicate time machine. But the same hops have to happen, so the time stream will latch onto the next best thing, the original time traveler's machine. Then he'll be in big trouble, ready for my exploitation."

"So how do you get Sixer out of the way?" asked Tad.

"This window of mine is not stuck to the same time as their world," said Bill. "I can shift it backwards and forwards. I can affect dreams at any point on the timeline. So now I'll look back to the past and offer Sixer a new invention – a dimensional portal."

"A portal could help us get into their world," said Tad. "If it went unstable."

"Yes, but he's too competent a scientist to ever operate the portal to that point. Someone else with less knowledge will have to take over. And so my next stop is back further, to ruin his relationship with his twin brother."


	4. Perpetual Motion and Emotion

It was about three in the morning on the night before West Coast Tech was due to arrive to check out Ford's perpetual motion machine at the science fair. Stanley had come home late after visiting the school, but now everyone was asleep.

Bill visited Ford's sleeping mind.

"Guess what, Sixer? Time is circular. The Big Bang is followed by the Big Crunch, which reverses time. I'm an immortal energy being from a parallel universe, and I've sensed that happening in this dimension over a thousand times."

"Interesting," Ford responded in his dream.

"Your future self made a deal with me, from that moment until the end of time. But since the end of time is the same as the beginning of time, the deal applies now, too."

Bill gently separated Ford's spirit from his body and moved in. He got Ford dressed and took a bus over to the high school.

At the school, "Bord" carefully lifted one corner of the tarp, just enough to get access to the panel that Stanley had loosened earlier when he hit the table. He did enough damage to make sure the machine would fail the next day.

He took Ford back home and put him back to bed. Bill could eat childhood memories, and Ford was still young enough that he could erase the memory of the whole possession. While Bill was at it, he also ate many of Ford's good memories with Stanley, so that Ford would remember the relationship as smothering rather than happy.

In the morning, the demonstration was a failure and Stanley got the blame for trying to hold Ford back. Their father kicked Stanley out of the house until he made a fortune, and Ford did nothing to prevent it.

Other top colleges got word of the failed project, and Stanford ended up having to go to Backupsmore University. He did well, and with his grant money he was able to build a home in Gravity Falls to research the paranormal there.

"I knew he would end up in Gravity Falls," Bill told Tad. "That's time working to keep the Mystery Fair time-loop going."

* * *

As before, Ford found the summoning words for Bill. This time, Bill was ready to give him the plans for a Portal.

Ford called on his old college friend, Fiddleford McGucket. They got on well for a while, but soon McGucket became suspicious.

"Where are these ideas coming from? Who are you working with?" McGucket asked.

"Nobody," said Ford. "I meditate and new ideas come to me. Don't be surprised if I act differently sometimes when I'm deep in meditation. It's an altered state of consciousness."

"I don't like it," said McGucket.

"Do you want to make the Portal with me, or not?" asked Ford.

"It's the scientific breakthrough of the century. I can't afford not to be part of it," said McGucket.

Bill regarded the man as a loose end for his plans. McGucket wasn't on the Wheel, so there was no reason not to dispose of him. With a little manipulation of Ford he was able to set up an "accident." It didn't entirely work; Ford was able to pull McGucket back with a rope, but not before his head went into the portal and Bill was able to pour damaging nightmares into his mind.

McGucket quit the project. Ford became suspicious of what was on the other side of the portal that had so affected his friend.

Bill revealed to him in a nightmare a glimpse of his true plans.

Ford shut the device down as far as he could alone. The three-key fail-safe mechanism that Bill had tricked him into installing meant that one man could not shut it down by himself. As it was now, a simple switch on the main control panel would activate it again.

* * *

Ford wanted to hire an assistant so that he could shut down the portal. He found a drifter named Ivan Blotts. The man was a bit strange; he has once worked as a demonstration model for a teacher of phrenology (a psuedo-science that tried to read a person's personality from the shape of their skull). His head was covered in tattoos that were supposed to reveal regions of the mind.

"Before you come to work for me, I want to show you a picture from my journal. I need to know if you have ever encountered this being," said Ford.

He showed Blotts a page with a dark image labeled "Bill Cipher." He had written how he used to think of Bill, and crossed it out and wrote in his new understanding: "BILL CAN'T BE TRUSTED!"

"We're very close indeed," said Ivan.

Ford suddenly became aware that Ivan's eyes were yellow and had vertical slits like Bill's.

Ivan reached across the table to grab Ford. Ford struck back with the pen in his hand, poking it into Ivan's right eye. Drops of blood went all over the open page of the book. With a great struggle, Ford was able to overcome the wounded man and force him out of the house.

Ford went back to write in his journal on the blank page facing the one with the drawing of Bill. He sketched Bill entering Ivan's head and wrote a warning: "Beware Bill. The most powerful and dangerous creature I've ever encountered. Whatever you do, never let him into your mind," and "DO NOT SUMMON AT ALL COSTS!"

He added an incantation he had researched from an arcane book that should let a person follow Bill into a sleeping mind to prevent his chaos.

Then he went back to the start of his third journal and wrote in a new reminder, "TRUST NO ONE."

* * *

Increasingly paranoid, Ford didn't dare to sleep. He added notes in invisible ink to his journals, thinking that Bill would be unable to read them (he could). He hid two of the journals in secret locations in the woods.

Finally, in desperation, Ford constructed a surgical robot that could install a metal plate in his head to keep Bill out. When he was recovered from the operation he would send for Stanley to take the last journal and hide it in a secure location, so that no one person would know where they all were.

There was one flaw in the procedure that Bill exploited. Ford had to have anesthesia for the operation, and just as he went under Bill implanted a hypnotic suggestion, a choreographed fight scene to carry out when his brother arrived.

It all went as Bill planned, and Ford ended up between dimensions in the Portal. Bill made sure the dimensions he could visit from there would give him adventures to build up his confidence but not kill him. He still needed Sixer alive.

As planned, Stanley took over his brother's role and made the place into a Mystery Shack. The stage was set for a replay of the time-traveler incident, this time without Ford.


	5. Twins In Peril

Bill was monitoring the changes in Gravity Falls as best he could.

He told Tad, "It's harder without Sixer. Without a person who summoned me in the world, I can't freely project my presence anywhere I want. I have to rely on looking through my images. Fortunately Sixer put many of those in his home, before he stopped liking me."

"Do you need to monitor all the time?" asked Tad.

"There's more danger for the young twins this time around. Last time the gnomes didn't dare to try to take for their queen the grand-niece of the man who had captured and studied one of them. They knew he would instantly see through their flimsy disguise. But Pine Tree found one of the hidden Journals and become suspicious enough to help Shooting Star make a heroic escape."

"That worked out," said Tad.

Bill said, "I'm not happy that Pine Tree has that journal. I'll let him keep it for now for their protection, but I'd like to get it away from him sooner or later."

"Why?" asked Tad. "Sixer shared all of his journals with the kids in the old time-line."

Bill said, "This version of Journal 3 was full of warnings about me and the Portal. What if the kid discovers the secret of the black-light writing, or cracks all the codes?"

"Maybe you should try to get it now," said Tad. "What more dangers could they run into?"

"Lots more dangers have come their way because of the carelessness of Stan Pines. Ford wasn't interested in fishing, and didn't drag them to the lake just when McGucket chose to go on a rampage in a Gobblewonker robot. Ford also didn't steal a bunch of cursed wax figures that came to life when the moon was waxing," said Bill.

"They should be all right until the time loop on the day of the Mystery Fair, at least," said Tad. "That's still going to happen, right?"

"Yes, that's looking good. Time has brought Pine Tree and Ice together for the time loop," said Bill. "Manly Dan had some run-ins with the Blind Eye Society and he's not functioning as well as he used to, so Wendy had to get a job at the Mystery Shack to help her family."

"Where's her mother?" asked Tad. "Isn't she helping?"

"Wendy's mom has got it goin' on," said Bill with a laugh. "She ran off with a younger man years ago. I helped make that happen. That made Ice more wild, more of a push-over for relationships, so she'd be a better temptation to Pine Tree."

"They're getting together earlier than last time," said Tad.

"In the old time-line, Dipper met Wendy at the arcade," said Bill. "He wasn't close enough to Wendy to get invited to raid a haunted convenience store with her friends, but the teens didn't manage to break into the place without him and didn't almost get killed by ghosts. He got them out of it by admitting he wasn't really a teen and doing a cute dance."

Tad chuckled at that. "You saw him?"

"I did. There were enough of my images on products in the store to get a good look," said Bill. "It's handy that Northwest worships me and put my image on all sorts of things his companies make."

"How about the other symbols on your Wheel?" asked Tad. "Are they doing as they should?"

"The Eye In the Pentagram is more dangerous this time around," said Bill. "I chose the phony child psychic to be the discoverer of Journal 2, to hold onto it until it's time to reunite them for the grand Portal re-opening. I led him to the hiding place through dreams. But Sixer had buried in the same location a cursed amulet that grants a person telekinesis and low-level mind control at the cost of warping their mind. He's one messed up kid, and he nearly killed Pine Tree over Shooting Star."

"They're nearly getting killed left and right," said Tad.

"For now, Pine Tree and Shooting Star are relatively safe because they're the main participants in the time loop I set up, so time itself will help to keep them alive until that happens. After that, things could get ugly."


	6. The Time Traveler's Deal

Blendin Blenjamin Blandin had come all the way from the year 207̃012 to find a time anomaly. He had spent nearly all day at a primitive outdoor fair, and there was still no sign of one, If he went back and reported failure he was sure to be punished, so he kept looking.

The fair was nearly over when he heard a kid calling him out, "Hey you! What are you up to?"

"Who, me? N-nothing," said Blendin.

"I've seen you hanging here around all day, never going on any rides or buying anything," said the boy, coming closer. "I had a really rough day and the last thing I need is some odd character hanging around. What's your deal? Are you following us?"

"And why are you bald? What's that all about?" asked a girl who looked to be about the boy's age, also coming up to close to him.

Blendin, already nervous, overreacted. "Aaagh! My position has been compromised! Assuming stealth mode!"

He operated his control watch and his jumpsuit turned all sorts of weird colors. "Color match! Initiating color match! Come on, dang it!"

"That's amazing! Aah! Are you from the future or something?" the girl asked.

"Uh, no! Who told you that?! Memory wipe!" said Blendin. He threw a wipe at her face.

The girl pulled it off and said, "This is a baby wipe."

His equipment was malfunctioning! Everything possible was going wrong. It was as if time itself was against him.

"All right, you've cornered me. I'm... a time traveler," Blendin admitted.

"So wait a minute, if you're from the future, do you have like a time machine, or something?" asked the boy.

"That's... kinda how it works," said Blendin.

"Can I borrow it?" asked the boy.

Blendin shook his head.

"Come on, can't I use your time machine just once?"

"No! Out of the question! This is sensitive, extremely complicated time equipment."

"It looks like a tape measure," said the boy.

"You shut your time-mouth!" said Blendin.

"This making any sense to you?" said the boy.

"I think he's just crazy," said the girl.

Stung by this, Blendin demonstrated with a small time hop to fifteen years back, when the Mystery Fair had a tent selling historical costumes. Blendin put one on and jumped back.

"That's right! Fifteen years ago there was a costume shop right here! One second."

The two kids gasped in astonishment.

"One second." He jumped back to the shop and put the costume back so he wouldn't change the past.

When he jumped back again he was on fire from temporal friction. "Ah! Aw, heck! Pat! Pat down!"

"So, who are you again?" asked the girl.

"Blendin Blandin, Time Anomaly Removal Crew year twenty snyeventy-twelve. My mission is to stop a series of time anomalies that are suppose to happen at this very location! But-but I don't see any anomalies! I don't know if it's some kind of paradox, or I'm just really tired..."

"You know, you sound like you could use a break," said the boy.

"Definitely, definitely. Might we recommend one of the various attractions at the Mystery Fair?" said the girl, offering him some tickets.

"You know what? What the heck! I'm worth it! But I've got my eye on you!" said Blendin.

At the Rusty Barrel Rodeo, the attendant asked him to take off his tool belt for the ride.

"Guard it with your life," Blendin told him.

"I will watch it like a hawk, dude."

After an entertaining ride, Blendin came back to the man.

"Where is it? Where is my tape measure?" asked Blendin, using the local term.

"Aw man, I don't know. It was right here. Sorry, dude," said the attendant.

"Nooo!" cried Blendin.

He ran around the fair, looking for the kids. There was no sign of them. Were they jumping around in time with his machine? He was in so much trouble...

Finally, exhausted, he sat down with his back against a tree. He would rest for a few moments, then keep looking. He had to find those kids.

The world turned gray around him, and a small triangular creature appeared before him.

"What's going on?" Blendin said. "Am I dreaming?"

"Yes you are, but I'm completely real. The name's Bill Cipher and I'm here to help."

"What can you do?" asked Blendin.

"I'll make sure you get your device back, in return for just a little of your time later on."

"But I'm going to get in trouble. I may even go to the Infinitentiary for this."

"If you go to prison, I'll guarantee to help you break out," said Bill. "Just follow these easy summoning instructions."

Bill gave him the words to say, repeating them until Blendin had them memorized.

"So, do we have a deal?" asked Bill, sticking out a hand for him to shake.

"I've got nothing to lose," said Blendin. "It's a deal."

Their joined hands were engulfed in blue flames, but it didn't burn.

"Good," said Bill. "Now wake up and go over near the Ring Toss. You'll catch the kids there. They've been jumping around in time just to win a pig named Waddles. He's their leader; he's super-smart."

Blendin ran to the place Bill told him, and found the kids.

"You two!" Blendin shouted, grabbing back his time machine.

The kids gasped in surprise, and their pig squealed.

"Do you have any idea, how many rules you just broke?! I'm asking; I wasn't there with you...it was probably a lot, right?"

Agents Lolph and Dundgren popped in next to Blendin.

Dundgren said, "Blendin Blandin..."

"Aaagh! The Time Paradox Avoidance Enforcement Squadron!" yelled Blendin.

"That's right, and our phones have been ringing off the hook! There are settlers high-fiving in the 1800's and calculators littered through eight centuries!" said Lolph.

"You're under arrest for violation of the Time Traveler's Code of Conduct," said Dundgren, putting Blendin in handcuffs.

"It was those kids! And their leader, Waddles!" said Blendin.

"That's a pig, Blendin," said Lolph.

"I'll get you for this! I'll go back in time and make sure your parents never meet!" said Blendin.

As they were dragging him away, the agents were challenged by an old man sitting in a dunk tank booth. "Hey, biceps! I'm talking to you, haircut! Take your best shot."

Lolph fired his blaster, and the man went down. While the crowd was distracted laughing, they time-hopped away.

"You can't actually carry out that threat, you know," said Dundgren. "Trying to eliminate enemies before they're born is a major time paradox."

"The only way would be to win a Globnar challenge against them and get a paradox-free time wish," said Lolph.

"That's what I'll do. I invoke Globnar!" said Blendin.

"Speak the name and century of those accused," said Dundgren.

"I-I never got their names!" said Blendin.

"Then you cannot invoke Globnar. Come with us; the Time Baby will decide your fate."


	7. Clean-Up Duty

Blendin faced the Time Baby in white Judgment Space. The Baby held him suspended in a blue beam of force.

"You have broken the eternal laws of space-time!" said the Time Baby.

"I beg your mercy, Time Baby!" said Blendin.

"You now must clean up all of the anomalies," ordered the Time Baby.

Blendin was sent from Judgment Space to a preparation room. Lolph and Dundgren joined him.

"Here are the times and places that must be fixed," Lolph said, handing him a list. "I recommend you work through them in order from first to last."

Dundgren said, "Your device will monitor your progress. If you do well, you will have no further punishment. If you do badly, you will do time and time again in the Infinitentiary."

Lolph said, "Your first location is in the Jurassic period, where a T-Rex was disturbed. You need to wipe its memory and get it back on its former track."

"A T-T-Rex? How can I p-possibly handle that?" asked Blendin.

"Here is a long-range tractor beam you can use to immobilize it," said Dundgren. "Good luck, and be sure not to step on any butterflies back there."

* * *

In the Nightmare Realm, A. Square (aka. "Tad Strange" to Bill) came up to Bill again.

"Hi Tad," said Bill.

"How's it going?" asked Tad. "Some of our friends are getting impatient."

"Very well," said Bill. "Eye in the Pentagram finally summoned me, as I hoped he would. With a summoner alive on Earth I can project myself into Gravity Falls again, and follow people around if I like."

"Did he make a deal with you?" asked Tad.

"An incomplete one that I didn't care about," said Bill. "Shooting Star and Question Mark were nearby when he summoned me. I deliberately included them in the dream so they and Pine Tree would follow me into the dreamscape of Glasses."

"Why did you do that?" asked Tad.

"I pretended to be angry when they spoiled the deal, but I really just wanted to test them. They came through just fine. I like Shooting Star's wild imagination. She attacked me with pink kitten fists!"

"But how is the master plan going?" asked Tad.

"Fantastic," said Bill. "The most encouraging thing is the goat. But details later. Right now I have a tricky event to get through and I need a time traveler on the spot."

* * *

The T-Rex had been scary; the rest was just tedious. Blendin was done with his clean-up, gathering a calculator from a fishing site, a shoe from a wax museum opening, and finally a plastic flower hair ornament from the site of a gnome attack. (Had he done all of those in the right order? He had lost track). Now it was time to go back to the future.

A gnome came up to him. Blendin was distracted for an instant. "What are you looking at?"

Bill was watching from his vantage point in the stained-glass window image in the attic of the Mystery Shack. He struck. The deal gave him access to Blendin's time in his body, so he took some of it now.

* * *

Billendin made his first time hop to the day of the Mystery Fair. (Just like the jumps when Dipper re-did the baseball throw, the original Blendin was temporarily replaced by his double, When Bill jumped away he would reappear, his memories unaffected by the replacement.)

Billendin ran into Pine Tree when he was coming back with the ice for Wendy's eye.

"Hey, watch where you're going, man!" said Pine Tree.

It was a small tweak, creating the torn ice bag for the symbol of Ice on the Wheel and setting up a stronger confrontation between Dipper and Blendin. Everything else would go as before.

* * *

The next hop was back to the youth of Stanley and Stanford Pines. He had researched when the Royal Order of the Holy Mackerel held its leadership elections, and he appeared in the locked room where the ballots were stored, ready for counting the next day. Billendin stuffed the ballot box, replacing many votes for the opposition with ones for Filbrick Pines. Now Filbrick would be elected Big Fish of the local order, and his new fez symbol would reflect that from now on. The hat would pass from Filbrick to Stanford, and eventually to Stanley, who would use it as another prop for his "Mr. Mystery" act.

Bill liked this symbol better, a Pac-Man-like fish eating something round, because it had enough of his image in silhouette to act as a viewing point. He could keep a much better eye on the doings of Stan Pines. This symbol change was the reason he had picked the Fez Symbol on his Wheel as the symbol for Blendin Blandin.

To cover his tracks for why he was here, so that his ballot change wouldn't be detected and undone by the time police, Billendin made another silly change: he wrote a "Blendin was here" graffiti on one of the planks of a boarded-up cave.

* * *

Now for the main event. Billendin hopped to the day on which he hoped to return Journal 2 to Stan Pines. He had to create a big event that would draw everyone in town, then expose evidence that Gideon had been spying on them. Gideon would go to jail, and Stan would get the Journal.

Planting the evidence had been easy. Gideon had discovered that Old Man McGucket was a secret robot maker, and Gideon had commissioned him to build his own Gideon-bot to help him control the town once he took over. It was hidden in plain sight as a statue for Gideonland.

Bill had sufficient control over McGucket through his dreams and wild imaginations to implant suggestions into his confused brain. He suggested to McGucket that Gideon would like a room in his bot with surveillance videos he had collected on the townsfolk, playing in a loop. McGucket had added this to the robot secretly, saving it as a "surprise" to show Gideon later.

While he was at it, he wanted Stan to be the one to reveal the evidence, making him a local hero. Then Dipper and Mabel would be inclined to trust him and show him Journal 3. So Billendin made an anonymous phone call to Stan at Soos' grandmother's house, just after Stan had figured out for himself that Gideon was using his pins to spy on people.

"Hello, Mr. Pines?" said Billendin over the phone.

"Yeah, who is this?" said Stan.

"Never mind, I have two things to tell you, and there's not much time. First, there's evidence of Gideon's spying inside his robot statue. You just have to kick open a panel near the stomach to expose it. Second, Gideon's about to accuse your grandniece and grandnephew and send them to jail. You have to get over to the field under the railroad bridge right away. In a few minutes there's going to be a huge explosion there in a few minutes, so you can't miss it."

Billendin hung up. Stan would come, and take all the credit, too.

Now he had to jump to the field. The basic idea that the robot would fall and explode to draw in the people was all right. But he knew that Dipper and Mabel had been pulled into the mess. There were just too many possible outcomes that were bad for Bill. Dipper and Mabel could die in the fall (more likely just Dipper, if Mabel was only able to save herself with the grappling hook). Either way, Stan would kill Gideon and go to prison, completely ruining Bill's plan.

A time-traveler was required to adjust the situation, repeating if necessary. Using the long-distance tractor beam that Blendin had been given to deal with the T-Rex, Billendin adjusted the fall of the robot, Dipper, and Mabel until everything was working just right for them to survive. He also made sure that Journal 1 fell out where Dipper could reclaim it. Stan could only get away with one and keep his secret, so Dipper had to hold the other for now.

As Stan screeched in, driving his El Diablo, Billendin walked away. He noticed that the symbol on his time travel device has turned red, which was a sure sign that Blendin was going to be in a lot of trouble when he reported back to the future.

* * *

Billendin jumped back an instant before he left, and slipped Blendin's spirit back into his body. The momentary disorientation was so brief that Blendin shook it off with hardly a thought, and made his jump back to time headquarters.

The time police grabbed Blendin on arrival.

"W-what did I do?" asked Blendin.

"You didn't do the clean-up properly," said Lolph. "Now you're going to the Infinitentiary."

Blendin moaned. "It's all because of those time kids! I'll wipe them out of history if it's the last thing I do."

"The last thing you do won't be for a long, long, time," said Dundgren. "The sentence is ten squared lifetimes."


	8. Globnar

Blendin spent all his free time in prison training. He lived for revenge, for the day he would challenge those kids to Globnar, and win a time wish to wipe them out of existence. During the clean-up job he had learned their names: Dipper and Mabel Pines.

One day a guard was watching and he laughed at Blendin. "What good is all that training? You're a lifer, a ten-squared lifer even."

"So?" said Blendin. "Once I'm fully trained I'm going to invoke Globnar."

"No, you're not," said the guard. "The rules have changed. Globnar challenges cannot be invoked in prison. You'd have to break out of here first, and that's never going to happen."

"Nooo!" said Blendin.

That night, he drew on the wall of his cell a rough sketch of a ring of ten symbols with a triangle in the middle, as he had been shown in his dream on the day of the Mystery Fair. Blendin chanted the summoning words: ""Triangulum, entangulum. Veneforis dominus ventium. Veneforis venetisarium!"

A strange energy filled his body, making his eyes glow.

"Backwards message, backwards message, backwards message," Blendin said. There was a strange sense of time flowing backwards as the world around him turned gray.

Bill Cipher appeared, "Whoo-whee! It's good to be in the year 207̃012! Here, have a mummified gnome!"

Bill tried to give Blendin a small, bandage-wrapped figure. Its eyes were uncovered, and they blinked at him.

"N-no thanks, said Blendin.

The figure vanished.

"What can I do you for?" asked Bill.

"Y-you p-promised if I went to jail you would help get me out," said Blendin. "S-so here I am. I want out."

"Let me check out the lay of the land," said Bill.

"What do you mean by that?" asked Blendin.

"I mean, I just got here. You summoned me, so I have full freedom of movement. I'll need to snoop around, pull some access codes from the guard's heads, and so on."

Bill faded out, but soon he was back with a detailed escape plan. He walked Blendin through the whole thing in the dream.

* * *

"I've got to hand it to this perp, no one's broken out of the Infinitentiary before," said Dundgren.

"He's either the bravest time convict I've ever seen, or the dumbest," said Lolph.

Blendin ran into a wall, then stumbled over some barrels and fell. "Ow! My time-knee! Oh, time-dang it!"

"Definitely the dumbest," said Dundgren.

"Freeze!" said Lolph. "You're surrounded by the Time Paradox Avoidance Enforcement Squadron. Anything you say can and already has been used against you in future court."

"This is it, Blendin," said Dundgren. "End of the time-line. Any last words?"

"Uh-uh-uh-uh-I-I-I-I... I invoke Globnar!"

"Very well, speak the name and century of those accused."

"The two kids that ruined my life: Dipper and Mabel Pines. 21st century."

* * *

Bill wasn't too worried about the outcome of the challenge. Dipper and Mabel were toughened by their many adventures in Gravity Falls. They were a lot more capable than they looked. And in spite of his training Blendin was still a klutz. If Bill had to, he could possess Blendin and make him throw the game, but he would prefer not to do that in front of the Time Baby.

It turned out he was right; Blendin was defeated.

The Time Baby said, "You have made victory in Globnar. Before I give you your time wish, tell us; what fate have you decided for the loser? "

"Death!" Mabel shouted.

"Mabel!" said Dipper.

"Sorry. Got carried away... " said Mabel.

"So Blendin did try to wish us out of existence, but it was kind of our fault for ruining his life," said Dipper.

"Yeah, and he's kind of too sad to be a real bad guy," said Mabel.

Dipper said, Maybe if we treat him right in the present, he'll turn out better in the future."

To the Time Baby, Dipper said: "Okay. As long as you keep an eye on him, we'd like to set Blendin free, and restore his position at the Time Anomaly Correction Unit."

"And give him pretty hair!" said Mabel.

"So be it," said the Time Baby.

Blendin's handcuffs fell off. He felt hair growing on his head.

"Wh-what? You'd do that for me?" said Blendin. "I got my job back! I feel like hugging somebody."

He reached for Lolph, who said. "I can kill you in eight different ways."

Blendin said, "Yes, sir."

Bill thought, "If they only knew what I was planning with him, they might have chosen Shooting Star's first option instead."

* * *

The kids chose to give their time wish to someone else who lived in their own time, a man named Soos. Blendin volunteered to carry the time wish to him.

Soos used the wish to fix up Dipper and Mabel from their Globnar injuries, which Blendin thought was a terrible waste of a wish. He also wished for an infinite slice of pizza, which was much better

Blendin moved off to let them talk, and he prepared to jump back to his time.

The world went gray and Bill appeared.

"Just a moment," said Bill. "You need to keep your end of the deal, remember? I asked for a little of your time, and I'm taking it NOW!"

Bill pulled the spirit from Blendin's body and took him over.

"W-what have you done? Give me back my body!" said Blendin.

"Oh, you'll get it back, in time. I'm going to jump forward a few days. You can get it back then, after I'm done with it. In the mean time, enjoy hanging around in the Dreamscape. Ha hah hah hah hah!"

Billendin operated the time travel device and jumped away.


	9. Weirdmageddon

Blendin waited in the Dreamscape, scouring around the Mystery Shack and through the woods for days. Like a ghost, he didn't require food or sleep. He constantly worried that he would never get his body back.

Finally, Blendin sensed his body. Billendin was waiting in the forest, with the suit in camouflage mode.

Mabel came running up; she collapsed under a tree in tears.

"Only party chocolate can cheer me up now," said Mabel, rummaging in the backpack and pulling things out. "Nerd books? Chewed up pens? Ugh, wrong backpack. Not fair. I just wish summer could last forever."

She pulled her sweater up over her head to be in Sweatertown.

Billendin said, "That might be possible!"

"Sweatertown is not accepting incoming calls right now," said Mabel.

"M-M-M-Mabel, it's me," said Billendin.

"No! Don't listen to him! It's not me!" cried the real Blendin, but Mabel couldn't hear him.

"What? Who said that?" said Mabel.

Billendin adjusted the camouflage suit until he was visible. "I-I-I can help."

"The time travel guy? What are you doing here?" asked Mabel

"You said you don't want summer to end, right? D-did-did I hear that right?"

"Yeah... why are you asking?"

"Look, maybe it's against the rules, but you once did a favor for me, so I thought I could help you out. It's called a time bubble, and it prevents time from going forward. Summer in Gravity Falls can last as long as you want it to!"

"R-Really? But how does it work?"

"I just need you to get a little gizmo for me from your uncle. It's something small. He won't even know it's missing."

"Don't give him anything! It's a trick!" said the real Blendin, trying to get between them, but his invisible, unsolid form was useless.

"Huh. Maybe Dipper has something like that in his nerd-bag," said Mabel. She looked inside and pulled out the container for the rift. "Huh. That's... odd. This it?"

"Yes, that's it! Just hand it over and I'll do my thing. Unless you're ready to leave Gravity Falls."

"Just a little more summer."

"Nooo!" the real Blendin screamed.

"Oops!"

Billendin dropped the container. It had withstood many shocks today, but he knew exactly how to drop it in order to fracture it. He stomped on it, letting the dimensional energy flow out.

"What?!" said Mabel.

Billendin laughed, and took his goggles off to reveal yellow Bill eyes.

"Oh no! Wait, wait wait!" said Mabel.

Billendin snapped his fingers, making Mabel fall unconscious.

Bill left Blendin's body as a stream of otherworldly energy poured from the open rift.

"At last! At long, long last! The gateway between worlds has opened! The event one billion years prophesied has finally come to pass! The day has come! The world is finally mine!"

Blendin re-entered his body. "Huh?! What just happened?"

The sleeping Mabel was lifted up and a pink bubble formed around her, with chains wrapped around it.

"Oh. Oh man. This is bad! This is real bad! Guys, we've got a situation!" said Blendin.

He activated his time machine, jumping forward to warn the Time Baby.

* * *

Blendin reported the whole thing to the Time Baby. He knew he was in trouble, but the most important thing right now was saving the world.

"I shall deal with this interloper, and then with you," said the Time Baby. "Come with me, men."

A squad of time police stepped forward, led by Lolph. The Time Baby took them all back in time, including Blendin.

They were at the door of an immense black floating pyramid.

"Open up! This is the police. Time-police," called Lolph.

The door opened, revealing a room full of the most horrible creatures Blendin had ever seen, having a party. Bill Cipher was on a platform behind them all.

Lolph said, "Bill Cipher, you are in violation of the rules of space-time, and possessing the body of a time officer."

Blendin said, "My body is a temple! How dare you!"

But after saying this, Blendin felt so nervous that he ducked behind a pole rather than face the gaze of Bill.

Time Baby said, "Hear this, Cipher."

"Ugh, Time Baby," said Bill.

The Time Baby projected a hologram of the universe.

"If your rip in this dimension continues, it could destroy the very fabric of existence. Surrender now, or face my tantrum."

Bill said, "Oh, no, a tantrum. Whatever will a do about that HOW 'BOUT THIS? BOOM."

A blast of energy disintegrated the Time Baby and all the officers with him.

"Ah, snap! He just killed Time Baby!" said one of the demons.

"Yeahhh!" shouted all the demons as they began partying again.

"Aw, man, this has gone from bad to worse. I gotta get out a time-dodge," said Blendin, who had escaped the blast behind the pole.

Blendin activated the time machine and jumped back into the past, intending to warn someone at the Mystery Shack and prevent this entire mess, paradox or no paradox.

* * *

Blendin arrived in the woods right next to the Mystery Shack. He checked his wrist chronometer and frowned.

"This isn't exactly when I wanted to be here. It's about a week before Lolph, Dundgren, and I arrive, chasing Dipper and Mabel when they were escaping from the Globnar challenge. Hey, what's going on?"

Very quickly, wide straps of fabric extended from his gray jumpsuit. They wound around him, binding his arms to his sides and his legs together. Before he could fall, multiple layers of straps secured him with his back to the nearest tree. A ball of fabric stuffed itself into his mouth, and his goggles slipped down across his mouth, widening into a band of steel that fitted tightly across his mouth and around the back of his head, holding the gag in place. A hood pulled itself over his head so that only his eyes were uncovered.

The whole suit blended perfectly into the tree so that he could not be seen from a distance.

"Mmmph!" said Blendin.

His wrist control floated in front of him, and beside it was his time-travel device. The wrist control projected the image of Bill.

"Naughty Fez Symbol," said Bill. "Changing the past is against the rules. I let you go into the future to fetch the Time Baby so I could destroy him, but I put a little curse on your outfit for when you went back into the past to try to change things."

Bill projected the image of the Wheel which Blendin had drawn when summoning him.

"Remember this? It was a prophecy, and it's fulfilled now. I don't need any of you any more. Actually, I'm going to hang on to Shooting Star, because her strong imagination could still cause me trouble while the Dreamscape is merging into reality. But the rest of you are disposable. You all played your parts."

Bill lit up the symbols one by one as he spoke.

He lit up Pine Tree, Ice, and Stitched Heart. "There's the boy that wanted a girl, the girl herself, and his rival for that girl."

He lit up Shooting Star and the Llama. "There's the girl who wanted a pig, and her rival for that pig."

He lit up Question Mark and Fez Symbol. "There's the man who was supposed to keep your time machine safe, and didn't. And all of them were for you to be tricked into a deal, out of fear and desire for revenge."

He lit up the Eye in the Pentgram. "There's the boy who had a journal and wanted a girl, but lost both. Now I'll use him to keep her safe for me."

He lit up the Six-Fingered Hand and Glasses. "There is the man who made a portal for me, and was lost in it. And finally, his brother, who wanted him back badly enough to break the world."

Blendin moaned through the gag.

"What will I do with you? I can't have you disturbing my beautiful Wheel pattern, can I?" said Bill. " I could just leave you to die, but what would be the fun in that? Instead, I have a great role for you."

The cloth holding Blendin because fuzzy, merging into his skin. He shrank and changed shape. Released from the tree, he dropped down to all fours, a baby goat with one short horn.

"Adorable," said Bill. "I foresee that Shooting Star will find you very cute, even when you're grown. She might even duct-tape you to her pig and marry the two of you together. Ironic, yes? A goat and a pig. The time-traveler and the pig that started it all."

"I've given you a sporting chance," said Bill. "Just remember the burgundy fez and the burgundy books, and you just might stop me. If you can, before your mind goes completely goat-like. Bye-bye now, I'm off to rule the world!"

The wrist device and the time machine faded away to Bill's laughter.

Gompers bleated and ran.

Somehow, he would try to keep his mind in this form. He would seek out the symbols of the Wheel and find some way to warn them. It would mainly be up to Dipper and Mabel. But somehow, maybe, he could still play a part in the defeat of Bill Cipher.

"Burgundy fez, burgundy books," he thought. "Burgundy... Baargundy... Baaaah!"


End file.
